Mono no aware and the holidays

This time of year presents a paradox far too many of us (myself included) find ourselves caught up in: the desire to show up intentionally and spend limited time however and with whomever we want, and a cacophony of never-ending to-dos, holiday events, unfinished work projects, gift-buying shopping trips, and commitments we may (but probably don’t) want.

We fill calendars to the brim, squeezing every drop out of the holiday season, only to find it’s here and gone in the blink of an eye.

It’s a weird and sacred place where the joy of the season and the sadness of its quick passing often coexist. And it reminds me of a scene from a children’s movie I steer clear of because, despite knowing how it ends, I still feel heartbroken every time I watch it.

In Frosty the Snowman (1969), an American animated Christmas classic, a child named Karen works tirelessly to help Frosty, a magical snowman, get to the North Pole before he melts.

During their journey, Frosty brings Karen into a greenhouse to warm her up after she catches a cold. The mean magician Professor Hinkle locks them inside, and Frosty melts, breaking Karen’s heart in one of television’s most gut-wrenching displays of impermanence.

The end of the year feels like building a Frosty. The holiday season is finite and won’t last forever, and will soon melt away. We put up decorations knowing we’ll take them down soon. We are excited to gather with loved ones, knowing we will disperse shortly after and resume “normal” life.

There’s a Japanese concept I love that describes the space where these feelings coexist, one I hold dear especially during the holiday season:

Mono no aware (物の哀れ)

The 18th-century Japanese scholar Motoori Norinaga coined mono no aware to describe The Tale of Genji. Mono no aware translates to “the pathos of things,” also said as “the beauty of things passing,” and “sensitivity of things.”

Stephan Joppich wrote of mono no aware, “As an emotion, it falls somewhere between sorrow and serenity. And so, to feel mono no aware is to experience impermanence, the inevitability of change, and the tranquility of transience—often all these things at once.”

It’s an appreciation of impermanence and a gentle sadness in knowing these moments will pass.

It’s the idea of knowing the snowman won’t last and will melt away, yet choosing to love and befriend it despite the sadness it will bring once it does.

May you hold on to mono no aware this holiday season, as the bittersweet nature of festive joy sweeps through. As time passes, hold space for the beauty of the moment alongside the gentle sadness that comes with these cherished moments ending so soon. Don’t let the endless busyness, commitments, and pressures distract you from soaking in the finiteness of this time. The beauty of this moment exists precisely because it’s temporary.

Time well spent: weekly roundup

• What 38 million obituaries reveal about how Americans define a ‘life well lived’ (The Conversation) - This is a fascinating study! Across 38 million obituaries over 30 years, words related to the value “tradition” appeared most often. Words related to the value “benevolence” (kindness) also appeared prominently. Less prevalent: values like “achievement” and “power.”

• Ten Kinds of Happiness (Merriam-Webster) - For moments when you need a word to describe joyful, deep feelings.

• What It Took to Design the First Google Santa Tracker: Halli Thorleifsson, on the project that changed his life. (The Creative Factor) - The history and lesson in courage that I didn’t know I needed. (Watch the Google Santa Tracker here!)

Your next intentional move

• When you think about a life well lived, what values would you want included in your obituary?

• Can finding the right word to describe a feeling help you experience it more?

• What would change if you trusted yourself to leap before feeling ready?

Check out the full list of intentional prompts and share it with someone you love!