This is your real life

In August, I flew from Regina, Saskatchewan, to Minneapolis, Minnesota, for a summer vacation. I hustled across four lanes of (mercifully slow-moving) traffic in the airport pick-up area to get to my friend’s car. I hopped in, and my two friends promptly handed me an ice-cold sparkling blueberry lavender lemonade. 

We still had a four-hour drive ahead of us, but that first sip of my fun little beverage signaled that vacation had officially begun. We spent the week at my friend’s family’s lake house in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. I read an entire book, ate my weight in Dan’s Minocqua Fudge, and bought at least four Loon-related souvenirs. 

When I got home, I had a post-vacation hangover. I opened LinkedIn, picked a photo to share, and found myself writing, “I’m struggling to adjust to real life.” I stared at those words on my screen.

When returning from vacation, we often say things like that: “back to reality,” or “back to the real world.” But when we elevate certain days as exceptional and somehow separate from “real life,” we’re setting up an unfair and unhealthy contrast.

With this mindset, it’s no wonder that we tend to view regular workdays as something to endure and slog through while we look forward to the weekends and plan our next vacation. We’ve created a false dichotomy, where vacation = relaxation, leisure, and fun and real life = tension, toil, and boredom.

In a recent edition of The Imperfectionist newsletter, Oliver Burkeman (author of one of my favorite books ever — Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals*) describes an idea he learned from one of his favorite thinkers, Paul Loomans:

Imagine beads threaded on a string. The beads may vary slightly in size, color, and texture, but each contributes equally to the creation of the necklace. 

Now imagine that each bead is a day in your life. Some days may feel like they hold more weight or importance or enjoyment, but no one day is actually more substantial or “real” than any other day.

Vacation is real life. Following your everyday routine is real life. A random Tuesday full of back-to-back meetings is real life. A sick day spent napping and binge-watching Netflix is real life. It’s all real life, and time keeps marching forward at a rate of 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours per day.

I find this idea both comforting and challenging. 

As that false dichotomy starts to break down, I realize that any day has the potential to be exceptional. I don’t have to travel to embrace my vacation self, a person who is more relaxed and carefree and spontaneous than I typically am.

But truly and practically living that way is not something that happens automatically. It takes effort and intention to make “ordinary” days special, and I’ve found I need to change a few things — habits, mindsets, routines. Here’s what it has looked like for me lately:

• In an effort to reduce mindless social media scrolling, I started listening to Jane Eyre — a book that I’ve been wanting to read for years but found intimidating due to the length and writing style. It did require a bit more attention and focus than my usual reads, but I enjoyed it a lot!

• I’ve been thinking about my big bucket list items — the things I definitely want to do before I die — and the number one answer is always, always write a novel. So I’m finally doing that, slowly but surely.

• I’ve been repeating an affirmation that is really helpful amidst my recent efforts: “I accept myself as I am right now.”

It’s hard.

But it’s worth it.

Thank you to Alyssa for inviting me to share these thoughts! Time Intentional is one of my very favorite newsletters, and Alyssa’s ideas are genuinely helping me build a more intentional life. She wrote a guest post for my newsletter, Wishful Working, all about what to do when your work life doesn't feel intentional. Check it out here.

Time well spent: weekly roundup (Kara’s version)

• My husband is a grain farmer, and he has been busy with harvest! The other day, his aunt brought supper out, and twelve of us got together for a nice family meal in one of the fields. Afterward, some of the cousins like going for a ride in the combine. I didn’t come from a farming family, so these traditions are somewhat novel for me. So fun, though!

• After years of dreaming and months of outlining and planning (and procrastinating), I finally started writing a romcom novel. I’m trying to stick to a somewhat rigorous daily wordcount goal, but I’m also trying to avoid the “all or nothing” mindset and leave room for life to happen.

Your next intentional move

(I found these in Alyssa’s list of intentional prompts!)

• What activity can help you reconnect with your roots and incorporate more of what you love into your life?

• What sneaky yet subtle habits are robbing you of intentional time? What baby steps can you take to address these habits?

Check out the full list of intentional prompts and share it with someone you love!

Kara Detwiller is a writer and creative based in small-town Saskatchewan. She publishes Wishful Working, a weekly newsletter exploring self-employment, anti-hustle culture, and the future of work. She also writes long-form content for enterprise SaaS, cybersecurity, and manufacturing clients. She is also working on her first novel, among other creative pursuits. Connect with Kara on LinkedIn.

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