Do you want to be my friend?

If time is truly the currency of our lives, then friendship could be one of the most genuine and thoughtful ways we choose to spend it.

Friendships are a time choice. They’re a reflection of who we value and give us a chance to prove it through our actions. Meaningful friendships and healthy relationships require our time, effort, and constant intentionality. But the right friendships are more than worth the payoff.

My friend Kelly is great at this. We’ve been friends for somewhere around 15 years and have a rock-solid friendship. We ask each other for advice about different relationships and situations in our lives. Coincidentally, one thing she never asks me about is how to be a good friend, and that’s because she already does what it takes to be considered a great one: she always prioritizes our time together.

She’s been through some fairly significant and exciting life changes over the last couple of years. And despite how much she has on her plate, how busy she feels, or how crammed her calendar is, without fail, she almost always beats me to nailing down a date for our monthly catch-up. One day per month. 12 get-togethers a year, minimum. The constant gift of her time. (P.S. I absolutely loved Katie Hawkins-Gaar’s essay, “The best gift I gave last Christmas,” about gifting her mom monthly coffee dates. This works for your bestie, too!)

She’s one of the most thoughtful friends I’ve ever had. She’s the Debbie to my Janet.

My grandmother, Janet, and her best friend, Debbie, taught me a lot about what it means to be a great friend. They were lifelong friends who laughed until they couldn’t breathe, acted silly together, and spent much of their free time camping, playing board games, and running us crazy kids around.

Everyone who knew them could see how special their friendship was. But it didn’t just happen by chance. They strengthened their relationship intentionally by always making time for each other, decade after decade, year after year. Through physical presence and phone calls, they always had space in each other’s lives. They said, “You’re my best friend,” (and I’m going to show you how much I mean it). Friendships like these are hard to come by these days.

Like all good things, friendships take work, effort, and, most of all, our time. It’s hard to maintain friendships as an adult. Many barriers stand in our way: other responsibilities, lack of proximity, social media feeling like a “good enough” way to “keep up” with friends, financial constraints, social anxiety, general awkwardness, and the list goes on.

But time is the one thing you can always give. When you break it down into small actions, like being the first to suggest a get-together, choosing one day per month (just 12!) to catch up, or even just hosting a poker night at someone’s house (one of Janet and Debbie’s favorites), friendships feel a heck of a lot easier.

Every friendship is a small investment of time with exponential returns. What makes friendships meaningful and lasting is the quiet commitment to keep weaving each other into the fabric of our days. May we all find the Debbie to our Janet; a lifelong friendship built on an endless commitment to spending time together, always.

🩷 A special thank you to my sister, Jaiden, for helping me find the photo above for this issue. I had a specific vision, but didn’t have easy access to photos. She pulled through on short notice to help me bring my vision to life. XOXO.

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Time well spent: weekly roundup

A roundup of links I loved this week:

• You Have Everything You Need To Create Anything You Want by Josh Spector - Save this and read it on days when you need a boost to allow yourself to create that thing you’ve always wanted to.

• The Silent Forest - I found this on Reddit, and I’m obsessed with it! The Silent Forest is a hand-animated forest scene with animals that react to noise in real time. If you stay quiet, more animals will appear in the forest. The creator designed it for noisy elementary classrooms, but I honestly love it for focus needs, too.

• And finally, an on-point LinkedIn post from my pal Yanni Pappas (if you don’t follow Yanni on LinkedIn, I highly recommend doing so immediately):

Your next intentional move

• How can you intentionally nurture your creative energy instead of assuming you need more time, tools, or confidence first?

• When was the last time you paused long enough to notice what emerges in stillness?

• How can you remind yourself that there will always be more work, but there won’t always be more life amid the hustle and bustle of the real world?

Check out the full list of intentional prompts and share it with someone you love!

Until next time

• Shop the Time Intentional bookstore on Bookshop

• Browse through some thoughtful gift ideas for the holiday season

• Think about The Last Time Exercise as it relates to the holidays

I’m Alyssa Towns, and this is Time Intentional, a newsletter exploring what it means to spend our limited (and precious) time intentionally. Extend your love and support by sharing this newsletter with someone you know or buying me a coffee! ☕

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